Everything can be solved by adding more bathrooms.
Edited by Keke! twitter.com/CozyKeke
Music Credits (in order of appearance):
Gran Turismo 2 - Bonus
Super Mario 3D World - Hands-On Hall
Rez OST - 01 - Buggie Running Beeps 01
Star Fox Assault - Theme of Star Fox Assault
The Simpsons Hit & Run - Simpsons Hotline
Bowser’s Fury - Pounce Bounce Isle
Classical - Also Sprach Zarathustra
Dr. Kawashima’s Brain Training - Title Screen
Punch-Out - Main Theme
Hyrule Warriors Age of Calamity - Guardian Menace (Enemy Keep)
Classical - Ride of the Valkyries
Overwatch - Play of the Game Theme
Mario & Sonic at the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games - Bowser’s Galaxy Generator
Bayonetta 2 - A Present From Rodin (A)
Kirby and the Forgotten Land - Pitch-Black Horror
Phoenix Wright Dual Destinies - Pursuit Keep Pressing On
Mario Kart 8 - Dolphin Shoals (Underwater)
Smash Bros Brawl - Encounter
Donkey Kong Country - Simian Segue
Zelda Wind Waker - Molgera Battle
Super Mario Galaxy 2 - Clock Time Attack
Hyrule Warriors Age of Calamity - Royal Research
The Sims - Some Assembly Required
Professor Layton & The Diabolical Box - Moment of Rest (Live Version)
Animal Crossing New Horizons - Welcome Horizons
Deathloop - Anonymous (Aleksis Dorsey)
Mario Kart 8 - Grand Prix Recap (SFX)
FE Three Houses - Blue Skies and a Battle (Rain)
Mario Kart 8 - Cloudtop Cruise
Classical - Hall of the Mountain King
[Dual Destinies - Suspicious People
Bayonetta 2 - Shopping (B)
Mario Kart 8 - GCN Baby Park
Classical - Blue Danube
Beyond Good and Evil - Ambience Snare
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 - Born to Fight
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 - Event BGM 110
Zelda Twilight Princess - Hidden Village
Pepsi Man - Theme Song
Super Mario Galaxy - King Kaliente
Classical - Also Sprach Zarathustra
Yakuza 0 - Interplanetary
Pepsi Man - Theme Song
Ring Fit Adventure - Smoothie
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 - Chain Attack
Gran Turismo 5 - Feels So Good
Mario Kart 7 - Main Menu
Kirby Air Ride - City Trial
Kirby and the Forgotten Land - Abandoned Beach
Sea of Thieves - Maiden Voyage
Jet Set Radio - Sneakman
Sonic Generations - Crisis City (Modern)
Super Mario Galaxy 2 - Koopas Lava Empire
Super Mario Galaxy 2 - The New Galactic Empire
Doug is a sentient bell pepper who was hired by the FBI to crack gaming challenges and also talk about things with food
#Classroom #DougDoug #planetcoaster
Today, I will be building the greatest theme park of all time in Planet coaster.
The rules of this are simple I'm going to build a brand new park with only eight thousand dollars and I must survive for one full hour without going bankrupt.
But every five minutes I'm gonna spin this wheel and must deal with a random disaster like building a giant wall of toilets through the park or charging children.
One thousand dollars to enter using only the eight thousand dollars plus any very costly loans that you can take out I must get this part through one full hour of business.
Here we go we're gonna start with this straight line.
Oh, God, nope.
Well as straight as I can get it.
Okay, let's get at least one ride whirly gig.
Everybody loves whirly gig.
We'll, put the stat building there with, oh, [, __, ], uh.
What was that am I being invaded by the Mongols? What was that was that the ride is it a train I want to get another ride in we'll? Get wild blue that looks cool.
Oh, my God it's.
Just this weird bulge in the line.
The Spark's looking great, dude, what are people saying great, free free entry? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, five and three dollars for it for kids is there anything else? I like need right now? I don't think so oh staff staff.
Ah, where do I staff? I? Don't, remember, oh time's up foreign is if I get something easy right now I can build up so much momentum in the first 10 minutes, I have to God damn it at least it's, continuing the straight line.
This is okay, that's the ending so I'll have to move the rides there.
We gotta close down.
Gotta do some maintenance all right.
Why is there a war horn? This is terrifying flat in the ground, I don't think I can over here.
Can oh I can go all the way to there, wait I'm losing so much money from this.
This is I should only have to go here.
That's the end of the map flatten the foundation.
Oh, god, dude, I've, wasted.
So much money on this Jesus Christ, gee, I, really love walking 32 miles for this ride.
People are gonna love my ride.
Okay? Why can't? I, connect, what do I do how do I get it to connect I have to get it to connect to here, but the land's all [ __ ] up.
We can fix this.
Oh I ruined the path hold on hold on hold on, maybe [, __, ], all of it's, not work hold on.
And then what the hell and and time perfectly timed.
We lost like four thousand dollars, but the park will actually be functional after this.
If this one isn't too bad, then we're in great shape, I don't, have any janitors I do need to hire one, though I guess I'll hire a janitor and pay him the max amount of money.
Now before I hired this very expensive, new janitor, I needed to know, his name.
So I opened up the AI text generator novel, AI who will now generate the most scientifically accurate name and background for my employee Doug Doug opened up a brand new theme park.
It was very long.
And the people loved it.
The first person he hired was a legendary janitor named John who had worked at every other theme park in history, because he was so good.
But before he could even ask him how to set everything up John went on strike, I don't want.
This job John sucks, we're, replacing John John's, fired he's trying to strike before he's done anything first person.
He hired was a legendary janitor named janitor laughs, fine, send it.
Well, I just got hired.
And immediately got the biggest bonus of my life.
Beast, don't worry, I know, it's you John here we go I'm gonna hire this janitor, Doug, you're, misprouncing, the Jam part, it's, European.
So it's like John, John, oh janitor.
Okay, let's get that name correct.
And now the genitor we have to pay the full amount two thousand dollars a month or a week, I, don't know, how often okay is he at least doing something these people are gonna be so fit by the time they get to the end of my park.
I think people are gonna love it.
My name is definitely janitor and not John all right.
Thanks Jan glad to have you here.
What do I do I? Guess I need some trash cans.
I need them along the whole great line, the great line of Doug.
What is my Park called the theme park was named the theme park? Okay? Cool.
Divide on the theme, park, I need trash cans on it.
There's so much trash do your [ __.
] job janitor.
These people are insane they're, just walking along my amusement park, dumping trash everywhere, hey, clean up your [, __, ] trash.
His name is Jan, not John it's, pronounced John, he's European.
What is this? Why am I paying you? Why are you here? The park is losing money right now.
But now that my two rides are back up I might be doing.
Okay, I can't, wait to celebrate Jonah to the janitor's birthday in January Doug.
If he is European, I have a proposal.
Instead of John I, raise you John, but pronounce Jan janitor.
How do you say Yan in the European language? We are looking at how to pronounce this name yon Yan or in English generally speaking, it is often said as Jan that's, not that's, not helpful, I wanted to know how to pronounce it.
Man is it yonoder, yawn, wouldn't.
It began it'd be janitor right? Okay.
Next one is.
This is fine it's, just probably expensive it's a pool for Yan.
He doesn't deserve a gigantic Kitty pool yet he's been walking past.
All the trash, I guess he's been walking towards the trash.
This part will be Yan's swimming pool, keep an eye on my money, make sure I don't go bankrupt here.
Oh, my God I'm, burning a lot of money here how much money I spent? Oh, my God I'm, almost done.
We gotta take out a loan.
Ten thousand dollars that's.
It I'm sticking with this for now is this deep enough for the pool yet I've spent so much money.
It needs to be bigger.
This is like a quarter of the map.
What are you talking about? This is gigantic look.
Let me put water in.
This is the worst swimming pool.
Uh is this good? This is fine right I'll fill in the gaps, dude, this cost like three thousand dollars nobody's even gonna use it.
Oh, wait I don't have to pay him I'm still paying him.
His workload is low and I'm, paying two thousand dollars a hour.
you're, getting eighty dollars it's pretty to look at well, at least people have something to look at when they're walking down to the rides I spent so much money on this goddamn.
What what why what happened? What happened to the pool? No do I have to make it deeper.
This sucks Doug I think, he's, hispanic, which would make it pronounced hamleta.
Okay, all right.
Hold on we're gonna look into janitor's background.
This is now Canon.
But little did Doug know, janitor of the janitor had a dark secret.
He liked to watch children go through his cleaning products, a lot.
And then he would eat them.
The cleaning products are the children.
But also in less horrifying.
News, janitor's wife was an evil witch who tried to kill her husband, I, don't like janitor.
She disguised herself as a tourist and slipped into the bathrooms after she got done with janitor, she gave birth to a baby that looked exactly like him.
But don't get me started on janitor's.
Children let's just say, their stories, a little more complicated than this one, the moral of the story don't trust, someone you've never met before, especially if they're a janitor or even better don't, meet anyone ever God so true.
Okay, new Nerf.
Okay, we gotta add Pirates.
We got Pirates, [, __, ], let's, go we're, getting too deep into the Jan hole.
Let's get back to what this park is really about decorations about Pirates John.
Where is janitor? Oh, my God.
Okay, we need pirate decorations.
Oh there we go.
Get a couple.
This guy I'll have this pirate.
Just shooting people.
I hate this.
Park can I put him just here.
Oh, wait can I put the the people shooting in the line.
We already have one pilot, themed feature.
Charging people money to get into this park is basically stealing from them.
This spark sucks I have one more pirate.
I gotta get in what I want is just for his gun to be poking out out of the floor, look you're, just waiting in line.
And you look down and there's a man with a gun firing into your stomach.
We've added a pirate attraction to the whirligigride we're, looking good has anyone seen my child last I saw he was playing with some sponges just don't.
Look inside of the trash can okay.
The baby eating was taken out of context, it's more complicated than you all think don't.
Let the media distract you from the truth.
Okay, your own research.
Do your own research.
All right don't, tell the mainstream media e-children is bad.
Everybody thinks that my Park is too expensive I'm, not even making money.
The park costs three dollars for children.
How is this too much money? Okay, we'll go down to three dollars I'll give the kids down to one dollar because they're gonna get eaten.
Anyways, how do I make more money at this point like they're they're, destroying me right now, there's, litter I actually need to hire another janitor.
Am hiring a second janitor, quick, pause, then dog hired a second janitor, whose name was janitor number two.
He hated the job.
He wanted to quit every day, but couldn't because he needed the money.
So he kept working there.
Then one day, one of the security guards saw him eating a child.
What is wrong with my janitors? Just do your job, clean trash.
What is wrong with these people? Hey, Doug, Imma have a great time at this park, but someone needs to clean up these half-eaking kids, how am I supposed to know that I keep hiring cannibal janitors, caniters, I love this park.
It is its own Decay, a wonderful person introduced himself as janitor and offered to watch my kids.
Oh JK, while we walk to the right I need to make a sign do not let your children near the janitors.
We need warnings.
The next Nerf I need a Nerf that doesn't cost me a shitload of money.
So I can actually make something here.
Okay, that was where some of my money was coming from people, don't need food.
Not when you have children to eat.
One Burger, Shop gone.
Buddy, you're, fired, wait, actually because I fired my burger guy, I could actually afford a cop, which will maybe arrest janitor.
Am ready for this anti-baby eating cup to fix things around here.
Doug was tired of all these baby eating janitors.
So he hired a new head of security named Headmaster.
He was a fat guy wearing glasses.
He had a beard.
He wore a suit and tie.
He was strict, but he made sure everyone was safe.
Headmaster is at least the kind of name where you know, he's, not gonna tolerate baby eating for people who are coming into the park right now.
What are they saying there's? Not a lot to do? There should be more scenery, what a terrible view.
What are you talking about I? Gave you a whole candy park over here? There's an entire swimming pool for you to look at I? Am going to put a bunch of cheap decorations for people? Okay, they're gonna love.
It there's, not much scenery here.
How is she complaining about that? Look at all this cool stuff I made for you? Okay that wasn't kind of brutal I mean, I, didn't lose that much money? I am? Theoretically, okay, no I need that I need that for money.
That's fine I can replace them with hamburgers.
We can make money off food as a reminder I still get to take out another.
Ten thousand dollar loan, then I have to pay even more money constantly in interest.
One day, Doug saw something terrible let's, quickly, learn what I saw.
Maybe this is related to the rides.
There was a fire.
A very big fire.
Lots of people are trapped inside, including a bunch of babies.
Why are they Doug ran over to help when he got to the fire? All the baby's parents were standing around screaming janitor likes eating them? Well, done? Okay, we're gonna get rid of all the rides wait, not get rid of I just have to close them.
I can keep them around and reopen them later, close close.
You can still hang out in line and get shot by the Pirates.
How do I need I need hamburgers? This is the only way I have to make money.
Hey, hey, I saw him eyeing these children Chief beef.
Do you guys want food? Eat some food? Please, hey, boss was wondering if we could do a children get in free day, I think it might boost Revenue.
I have no other elsewhere.
Get the [ __ ] out of here.
Janet I'm, not enabling you anymore.
Okay, hopefully these generate some money because I have to pay a bunch of staff for this.
The guy is sure that the burgers were actually made of beef.
I don't know how to make more money in the meantime, the ride's being closed is terrible I'm, not gift shops gift shops to save the us from the jam.
Sorry, I will not be returning to your Park.
Until management does something about the rampant generalism also I will be reporting this to the Better Business.
No, no we're.
Fine, dude, we're perfectly legal.
Look, I, literally, they're, not even doing their jobs of cleaning up trash, they're just eating babies.
Hey, Doug, Jane from janitors are us.
Thanks for hiring our tulo restricted janitors couldn't figure out why no one liked them.
You have any idea? I swear, there are less children leaving the park than entering it Headmaster is gonna get to the bottom of this.
What are people saying lots of damage things? No drink shops, someone needs to build benches.
What are you talking about? Why would you need to sit in my Park, fine I'll, build you a bench Jesus? Okay, that's a happy customer.
The next Nerf is this is easy.
Not as many people can take the ride.
So I can't make quite as much money, but I can make some money.
What matters cue setup would be invalid.
__ ] only 200 I need the money.
Add new loan.
Take ten thousand.
Okay, I'm taking five thousand and one thousand.
Okay? Well, that's six thousand dollars, that's.
Bad, that's, all I have to survive for 25 more minutes.
There we go.
So the the queue can be two total lengths.
My rides are back up Doug.
Why did I find a finger in my burger and I can't find my baby after she talked to jonita, nope, that's, a hoof it's, a normal cow, Burger don't, be alarmed.
What are people saying, I wish this park got a toilet.
These are ridiculous.
These people can't be pleased.
We have a toilet.
Okay, it's, right here.
A staff building.
Wait do I have a toilet are there toilets anywhere? Oops.
All right? Well, that was fair.
Let me throw a toilet up real quick.
Okay, hopefully they stop complaining Jesus charge for toilets.
Yeah, you want toilets so bad it'll cost.
You one dollar how do I get cash flow positive? This is bad.
The next Nerf is I have a gigantic water feature.
We don't need this maybe they'll be cheap.
We gotta cut costs I'm putting the water features first and then we're doing a round of layoffs.
Many guests are thirsty go to the [ __, ], toilet, wait.
This is only ten dollars.
This is easy.
Add some extras this park, [, __, ] sucks.
You you drenched before the Pirates shoot you stop.
Well, this was still only like 100 bucks, right.
Now the guests won't be thirsty.
See they love it.
What are you thinking? I've, seen bigger and better parks? Okay, I need.
Another one do these people even like it, there are no drink shops in the park, just open your mouth.
You are in a monsoon.
I'm gonna fire Tiki cheeky.
Sorry, cheeky cheeky you're out of here.
Oh, my God.
What wait I made money I'm making money? Oh, wait or this is because I sold everything.
Theoretically, we cut some overhead.
We fired some people.
We got this.
Okay, one Chief beef.
We can afford one we'll, put it here near the toilet? Wow, the Halloween decorations in this Theme Park, Castle realistic.
These tiny skeletons, look like they have actual bits of Flesh on them love the details.
We do authentic decoration.
Okay, I keep asking people why the lake is named child skeleton like.
But no one seems to know, no, no, no, no that Native American name, no look there's times when as a businessman, you have to say, I'm gonna protect the children instead of money.
So I'm gonna charge way more for children.
Capitalism is a real win-win here.
This is technically doable, I can make it to an hour.
I am the greatest theme park, hostman of all time.
I am the Headmaster the Headmaster is talking about me as an octopus? Okay, the AI will tell me what to do Doug said, here's the secret to how I saved the theme, park, I crawled Inside, the Fire, and it was really hot and scary and filled with smoke and I almost died.
And then I found the babies and carried them outside.
And then we put out the fire together, Headmasters and press, I just have to save the children.
I can do it chat.
Next Nerf, something cheap something easy foreign.
This is only a problem because my Park spans the entire property that's fine.
We can do it ready set? Go.
The cheapest one is seven hundred dollars.
Okay, that leads tons of money left for the track.
A hundred dollars per track.
We're gonna be fine I, just have to make a lot of money from the cheap beef.
Nine hundred dollars, seven hundred dollars, 600 dollars, two hundred and fifty dollars.
Two hundred dollars.
I mean, can we make it how much of the park we covered? One hundred dollars.
Fifty dollars I can't even afford this maybe I'll make a lot of money right now, four dollars.
And if everybody comes in the pocket, uh, [, __, ] janitor.
My Park would have been a roaring success, dude, I've heard so many disturbing rumors about this park.
It should be called six red flags.
No look there's.
We had a lot of good things going for us.
Okay, you're focusing too much on the bat of my Park.
Remember, the good things like this guy who I've been paying them to salary this whole time? Remember, the cool ride staff building too all right? Let's.
It back I got to 45 minutes with a baby.
Eater I can definitely do an hour.
So unfortunately, the great straight line.
Theme, park has fallen into bankruptcy just 13 minutes before the deadline.
But the good news is I can now fire those psychotic janitors and build a new theme park that doesn't eat any children.
This is attempt number two, the great V, Park and live.
Eight thousand dollars.
Let's do this.
We make the giant v I'm, starting with whirly gig.
People [ __, ], love, whirligig.
Some scenery people really like scenery tree tree ash tree.
Acacia tree, birch tree, beech tree.
Banana palm tree.
People gotta be happy with all this scenery around I'll, make this toilet, really scenic free park entry.
We can jack it up two dollars one dollar.
Yeah, my Park looks great.
My V is looking very powerful.
Incredible at Planet coaster now, that's, a pretty good opener guys.
Now we roll an easy, Nerf, we're, [, __, ], crush this let's, go that's, actually, not that bad it's.
A lot of benches just took out alone.
This is doable.
People will never complain about having spots to sit.
I have to spend 1075 on benches.
You get a bench.
You get a bench.
You get a bench.
You get a bench.
Oh, my God there's gonna be so many goddamn benches I'm running out of spaces to put benches man.
Hey, would you guys like to sit down it's only ten dollars at a time? Dude? Okay.
All right we did it I don't have a janitor right now.
I gotta Hire One all right janitors in play quick diversion to figure out the janitor's name.
This is the story, how dog Doug finally made a successful theme park all starting with his new janitor named Bob.
It was an extremely popular attraction that everyone seemed to enjoy he's.
Welcome to the team.
Please do your [.
__, ] job, don't eat any children.
We've got the cash I wonder if I do like a little more scenery.
What do people want right now? Okay, people are saying the entry's cheap, four dollars and two dollars.
They want more rides.
I need more rides save money.
Yeah, I, don't know, if I just saved money because I'm actually making money right now like I'm, actually doing a good job for the first time ever I don't want to jinx.
It I'm gonna play conservative I'm, saving money.
Foreign ERS, I've done in this game.
Next Nerf let's, keep it going honestly, that's, not bad I feel like people probably want bathrooms.
This costs two thousand dollars, though I'm gonna have to take out a loan.
Okay, I guess we'll make toilet town down here.
What are you doing down here? There are no people.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, I have 200 left.
I, just gotta wait a second as long as I build the tenth one by the time.
The five minutes is up we're, good I'm, taking it.
We have the 10 toilets.
They are built.
Just only have 200 bucks.
I have to be super careful.
If that starts going down I have to take out a loan.
It costs a hundred dollars to run these a month, I'm charging a dollar for the toilets.
Watch the money.
Watch the money.
The padding does not make sense.
What is with this game? What the pathing is horrific? Why would I want this? Okay, they're using the toilets please make me money.
Okay, toilet town is actually set up and good to go and maybe is profitable because it does charge one dollar there's a lot of people coming to the toilet rods your paths are so bad.
Give them a tree for scenery.
Toilet town is complete add drink stores.
Yeah, that's a good call.
How much is a vending machine? It's only a hundred bucks.
Okay? Right before toilet town.
We have a vending machine foreign up.
The prices of the rides, I mean, I'm cash flow positive, right now, dude, I just don't want to jinx.
It I feel like this is an actual like coherent park, right now.
Whatever this next one is needs to not be super brutal.
If you were cash flow positive, okay, Bob is gonna suck me dry, but at least he'll clean all the toilet town.
This is salvageable finances loans.
Add a new loan 5.
now, go to staff Bob.
We increase your Revenue to two thousand dollars.
Fine I'm gonna up the price of the rides.
We gotta crank this up.
This goes to six ticket price.
This goes to 11.
This isn't really making much I'm going to 450 and then I have the capital to do a track ride.
I think I gotta do a track ride track.
Rides are supposed to be dope.
God I'm losing a lot of money.
Here just fine.
Nobody panic autocomplete.
Wow, what an awesome ride Incredible 20 minutes in I'm feeling confident here we go next spin.
So I will lure a bunch of customers out somewhere and then trap them.
How do I get them onto the island? Do I just pick a random spot let's say, I need at least five people on divorce.
Okay, I've got one thousand dollars in a dream here.
We go Bob you're, getting paid 50 bucks an hour again, oh, you guys look like you're, ready for divorce.
We got a couple of happy divorces here.
All right, we just carve that out just a little bit that's, looking nice.
And we have the water.
They love divorce Island.
And the funny thing is they could get off the island from the benches.
If they wanted I, guess they love it here, too much to leave have a good time out there.
You love birds in the meantime, people will use divorce Island as a spectacle, a little tourist attraction, uh, how we doing on money there aren't enough, rides I've, seen bigger and better Parks.
Wait is this thing open yet.
Okay, this thing's open.
People are gonna love this if they walk past divorce Island, they can come to my track ride.
People are having a good time around divorce, Island, I mean, people love the benches in this park.
Nobody is coming on this ride.
Why don't you love this ride? It's great.
Go in go in.
You can be the very first customer.
He wants a bench Park's, looking pretty good.
Next Nerf that is a problem.
I might have to take out another loan I've like just barely cash flow positive, right now.
Okay, I just need to survive for this five minutes with all prices lowered.
This is doable, six and four.
The bathrooms you are only 50 cents.
This is gonna be bad nobody's, riding your track because it's a single Hill.
Well, they have their standards are too high.
Oh my God.
This is already so cheap.
Okay, all prices are halves.
Am still making money.
I think why does nobody want to ride my awesome cart? This is so cool.
There's a whole hill.
Go it? Hey, why? Why? Don't people like it it's lame as hell? How dare you the bathrooms are more popular is the bin in the way, no, no that didn't stop.
Anybody else your cart ride sucks? Well, I don't have the money to make it better.
Go in go in go in go in go in go in oh, come on it's right? There is this blocking it was that blocking it the whole time God.
It it's, a lame ass right? Stop talking [.
__, ] about my ride.
I worked hard on it.
You start the ride out and you're thinking, wow, they put a tree in here, very cool.
And then you turn around the bend and you're like, whoa, it goes uphill too.
And then here is when you realize it turn your mind's, [, __, ] blown.
And you turn around you get another like five, ten dollars of value as it swoops around the beginning, plus like 250 bucks I think I can take out the one thousand dollar loan I'm gonna do that next one thousand.
Okay, the prices are great.
People really like the prices right now.
They're gonna be upset in a couple minutes, hey, Doug, Bob.
The janites are here appreciated the brief bonus by the way, why did all the training videos end with you saying now get out there and don't eat children see don't worry about that we had some issues with the previous staff quit talking [ __ ] about my ride chat.
Everybody give compliments to my cool track ride for the next.
Uh, 30 seconds, mods, ban.
Anybody who doesn't describe cool features about it? Ready? Go I, love how it sucks that doesn't count it's better than Disneyland.
It goes uphill.
Something easy, I, don't, pay you to give me your opinion.
Okay, this is fine.
If we get two, easy ones, we're, good, somebody fire that cart ride.
No I need money.
I need money.
Okay, this is fine so entry, free food.
The ride cost will go up.
That's, fine I, can't believe the track goes uphill and downhill, what a great value.
Thank you for the feedback, oh that's.
So bad, that's.
So much money, I love the exit that's.
It it's a good ride.
I've got it I, put the burger shops next to the cart ride.
So that people go over for free burgers and they stay for the carts.
Okay, first off all the rides are going back up to normal prices.
Eleven, six, four.
Fifty I'll, keep the card at 350.
I'll, make no four dollars it's worth four dollars, I'm, not making it free.
Okay, entry and food is all free.
I also have to have free burgers I'm gonna put them near the cart ride.
Each Burger stores, 200 bucks.
I need a loan.
This is last loan right here.
I need to have this 10 grand go all the way one, two, three, four, five have you ever heard of a sensory deprivation tank.
Basically they block all sound and light in an effort to take away or stimuli.
I, remember that because I went on your ride and felt nothing, oh, my God I'm.
Not sure why people are complaining about needing the bathroom when there's keeping pile of [ __, ] cart, Riders here, it's, clearly, the best spot in the park to leak the lizard.
Look people are liking.
The cart ride look, there's.
Throngs of fans, waiting for it look look at they're, gonna scream and Delight smiling.
Okay, it counts foreign.
At least after this I get to make money from the park and the food again.
Next one, wait it's.
Zero, right now.
That means it stays at zero [, __, ], whatever I can at least charge for food and I'll increase the prices of everything else.
This is salvageable I'll charge way more for my cart ride, you're, 12 and you're.
Eight, you you're open all right.
These guys are having a good time.
So okay, Pete A lot of people are coming to my cart ride.
Yeah, you guys down.
Okay, they they came to throw trash at my ride.
What is wrong with them? Are people liking this? Yeah, okay.
We need some scenery on stuff.
Uh, here I'll get a rock.
Okay, should be good now? What a park? Okay, they like it.
Hey, what are you thinking kid? This park is great.
They love the rock.
This is costing me a lot of money, but that's.
Okay, as long as I, keep making money off the toilet rides, oh look, Bob's, actually doing a good job.
Why don't people like the car it's? A good ride Doug's cart ride is definitely one of the rides ever it's.
Tell you what if you thought it was bad before? Okay.
Now the scenery is there.
People are gonna love it come on in everybody recently renovated, yeah, yeah.
All right they're here for the burgers, whatever Bob, go clean more.
What are you doing? Man? What are people saying about the park? There should be more scenery around Park.
Entry is free.
Okay, we need more scenery.
They should be good.
Look at this scenery.
People are gonna love it Hawk face, Circle.
Okay, they're, not gonna complain about scenery with all these circles in the park.
This is the president can you speak about the allegations of your right being a crime against humanity? It's your [ __ ] may be closed.
Soon if you're not that's, fake news, it's, fake news, all the reports I've heard other people love, my cart ride objectively a bad ride.
But the Rock at the end, dude, fine I'll, add a circle.
I think, this is the one I really do it's 40 minutes in and I'm barely losing any money right now that cart's gonna bankrupt you as a reminder I can sell stuff.
I will never sell the cart right? Over, My, Dead, Body.
You think I'd get rid of my magnum opus.
Just for a little bit of money.
I would never 20 more minutes.
This is the run here.
You'll, get something easy here, make a mountain.
Okay, I only have one.
But it is two thousand dollars a month, that's kind of bad.
Okay, but I can make the entry fee.
Congratulations, you're, making 2 000 a month.
Now, love the trees.
But now I can't see the cart right.
So now I don't know where to throw my garbage okay, magic cats sure is pricey.
It costs four dollars really I'm making a two bucks it's.
A good ride, I'm, literally giving out free hamburgers and people still don't want to go.
Slow do I, make it faster.
15 miles an hour.
Okay, that'll be exciting.
Went on the cart rides before they added the rock after they added the rocket still sucks, it's, a good rock, add another loop or two, it costs like thousands of dollars to expand the cart ride it's, fine as it is.
That is way faster.
Honestly, guys, this track looks [ __, ] sick now and then right into the Rock.
The prices for magic hats are through the roof.
It is two dollars I'm down to four thousand dollars.
I am burning cash quickly.
A lot of that is going to my janitor though there's trash everywhere.
This is IRL.
The ride is awesome, they're having a great time.
Wait people actually showing up now people love, it they're queuing up.
Let us ride.
Look at the scenery, whoa, tree.
What what is that a rock? Oh, holy [, __, ] that was awesome.
I can do this next turn I rip away, Bob's salary.
And we get something easy I'm gonna call in my favor.
Can you guys fire Bob if you fire, Bob, I stopped, paying him 2 000 a month.
I am [ __ ], unless we fire Bob and don't sell my cards.
The way this will work is I will have click Maps up in.
And you guys decide where on my screen to click and then I'll click there.
And we repeat for five minutes twitch chat.
You are in control in three.
Two one, go there's, everything in the park.
What do you want to click on? Click, click, click, click.
Okay, a lot of people on Park management down here, 55 down here.
We're on staff.
Go go where do you want to click I'm seeing people at the top right? There's, 30 trying to click the cart Bob is right here.
This is Bob.
Fire him over there.
Fire bomb get his ass out of here.
Okay, 30 right here on firing Bob.
His ass is out of here.
We will need to hire a new one.
If you guys wouldn't mind taking care of that, all right, it's, restarted, okay, I think you're gonna go to my cart and increase the price for more money, good call chat.
And if you want to increase the prices you could do that any no it's my pride and joy, the people love it there's.
So many happy customers here you would do that to them Chad.
The whole ride is gone.
You stranded like 18 people how much money did I make shut up I made a little money.
The only that's, the only plus shut up that car was beautiful.
Uh, 23, track rides.
Are you trying to build another? One I don't have money for this because I, literally do not have the cash.
It will auto lose me.
If you do this.
Okay, you click on Steam railroad, this cost.
Twenty eight hundred dollars, wait you're, putting it up here.
This is where my old car used to be okay, I'm putting your stupid track up here that costs so much, dude, I need to survive in a minute and a half sell something else sell something else.
You click on the card sell the track sell the track.
We can survive.
Go quick quick, quick, 76, we sell we made two thousand dollars back all right.
So you just burned.
All right, I, don't really know what the point of all that was.
But uh, you did lose me about 700 let's go again, we'll make another one I can't afford it.
Stop doing track.
Rides I, literally can't afford that anymore.
Okay, you're doing track.
You want the same one I can't afford this I am trying to click it and I can't afford it, because you burn so much money, I have attempted to do what you want.
I cannot go further last chance you want the raft it's, 900, no.
You clicked raft, but that's time, that's time, that's time.
Okay, all right.
Good, we're, good, foreign.
In five minutes, you managed to burn like several thousand dollars and destroy my favorite cart ride, but I'm still rolling 10 more minutes and I win.
Next spin, no [, __, ].
Okay, I'm putting those where the cart ride used to be, hopefully they're so far away that nobody goes there.
This is still doable.
One, two, three, four, five.
It costs 400 a month through are you serious I have to sell something soon I can't sell the previous three, five ones, that's, not allowed.
Fee I can probably crank this up, right? Four, it's barely a difference.
I can sell Chief.
Beef I can sell all the weird circles I'm down to 200 bucks.
What's, the least popular ride they're all super popular right now, dude, okay, I have to I have to sell this that's 1200 bucks.
Oh, my God.
What there's a lot of overflowing bins? Okay, we don't have a janitor anymore, but that's, fine, no, what no? How did it go down what the [ __ ] where how did that happen? So quick, unfortunately, I did not realize that if you sell a ride while people are waiting in line, you have to refund all of their ticket prices, which means I made zero dollars from selling that ride.
And quickly fell into bankruptcy.
Hi Doug, just hot booted out of line for this ride I'd been waiting on.
But this nice employee handed me a 1 200 check, it's, another loss, you're so close, just you wait I'll, be back.
Nobody did better park with even better park ride.
The cart ride will return.
And none of you were invited.
So sadly, despite designing a critically acclaimed cart ride I have once again, failed only eight minutes before the deadline, but I now know this is doable.
So we cobbled together some new strategies.
First off I'm gonna start my next run with a roller coaster.
They are super expensive.
But if I use a pre-built design to get going quickly, I can charge a shitload of money to use it.
Next if I see that a lot of people are waiting for a ride, then I'm gonna jack up the prices until people stop riding it this way, I'm squeezing them for every dollar like a tube of toothpaste.
And lastly, anytime I'm actually making a little bit of money, I'll up the game speed to 300, and then try to squeeze out as much profit before the next disaster ruins my cash flow.
This is the story of how Doug finally won the theme park challenge.
The theme park was named Pepsi.
Park Pepsi Park would be a pop culture theme, park.
Okay, I'm shaping the park after the Pepsi logo, there's, no way.
The janitors can stop this plant.
This is attempt three go looks exactly like the Pepsi logo.
Okay, let's get a roller.
Coaster let's, get some other rides in whirly gig.
My classic you're, always in here once you're done testing I need that to be open staff room, put you down here, restroom, put you here? What do I need? Uh, oh, vending bins and benches all right? People are flooding into the park.
I can three actually a couple more seconds.
What do I need? What do I need? Take a price I can do 11 12.
Take a five dollars.
I can go a little bit more rides.
Oh, my God that's.
A lot of people I need, uh, Church, money, 150 75 cents for kids.
Go Pepsi, Park's, [, __, ], crushing.
It I do need a janitor I'm gonna hire one and pay a max amount all right we're back in it I'm gonna slow down time.
So I, don't lose as much money on this I'm going to hire a janitor, bam, get in there.
Congratulations, you are being paid two thousand dollars an hour.
Wait, what is his name? And his first employee was a janitor with a dark secret named Mr Clean.
So here we go all right.
[, __, ], listen up.
If you don't eat any children we're on great terms, I'm, getting another ride up wild blue all right? You are live.
What are people saying about this? Oh I need to crank this up.
Okay, you're the 13.
We get a little more money here.
You have a lot of people.
We crank you up a little bit you're up to six.
Yeah, we need to get trees.
Let's, get some trees in here.
Go make money off all these brand deals right loan.
No I, don't need a loan I'm doing great.
How are we doing our money? I'm, not losing that much can I just put torches inside of people it's like a spike trap.
All right, looks nice what other things do people want? Hey, I'll, put a cannon balloon columns.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, let's, put that [ __, ] everywhere.
It really fits the decor.
People love my balloons.
How big is this gonna get stop spending money? Well people will like it.
Probably it looks like Pepsi.
Man, I just want sheep.
I need cheap things.
Okay, we'll put coal in the ride.
There you go son, oil drum.
All right there.
It we'll fire up cannons at the oil I'm, fiery Mr, clean's ass, I'm firing his immaculately, cleaned, butthole, God.
Mr Clean can stay on the staff, but I'm making him.
Fifty dollars an hour again, I don't have to pay these people.
Well, this is fine go.
First thing, Mr, Clean, you are getting a huge demotion.
I need a mechanic.
I need a security guard.
I got a vendor, just by building a shop, gulpy soda.
And now I need a mascot who's closest to Pepsi man who looks like this, the princess I don't think so looks like I.
Think the the hamburger all right welcome to the team.
I think, I'm profitable right now.
I'm increasing speed, oh, dude, we're making a [ __, ] load of money.
Uh, what do we get bump and Derby? Oh, [, __, ], it's gonna be sick.
Okay, this is too busy seven dollars.
This is still too busy you're going up to nine dollars.
This is too busy you're going up to 16.
This is way too busy you're going up to 13.
What are people saying it was a shame.
It was full I'm, not queuing that long this queue was full.
We need more rides all right? Rock.
Yeah, rocks both look dope.
You're, live beautiful.
Man, Park is coming together, dude, me and Mr, Clean, we're, a dream team.
This is a legit and park right now.
I've actually gotten good game.
Oh, this could work as long as this doesn't [.
__ ] me.
We are in such good shape.
The very first thing Doug did with his theme.
Park was build a roller coaster that went through a giant can of Pepsi that's, a really actually, uh, that's, a huge monetary commitment.
So we're gonna make a custom roller coaster.
It has to go through a giant can of Pepsi what's it.
What does that mean balloons the balloons? Okay, we make the can okay that looks like a can of Pepsi it's.
So lopsided, dude, beautiful, indistinguishable, Pepsi.
Man, love it.
This track sucks ass, wait I, can't, go through it.
As you can clearly see I built a roller coaster that goes through a can of Pepsi let's go.
What kind of Pepsi are you drinking? My eyesight's kind of bad that's, honestly, the worst thing I've ever seen.
Oh, my God I'm gonna make a cart right that is bigger and better.
That is my only goal today to win with the cart ride.
Next Nerf, I don't, even know if that roller coaster is usable that [ __ ] sucks.
This isn't bad, people just aren't going to be happy, hey, Doug, if you make the new track hide as long as you can, then at least, it would be useful when you have to sell it to get money back Over, My, Dead, Body.
Okay, first things, first I, move over to the toilets.
You guys are now 25.
People can't really use toilets, but that's, fine let's.
See if people actually use this is this even gonna work, oh, [, __, ].
This sucks I am going to redeem myself I'm going to make the most badass cart ride of all time.
Now you might be thinking that ride actually looks kind of fun here's.
The trick I'm gonna build a second track.
And this ride will be my Prime attraction.
And even though the people are gonna want to come ride this car.
The only way to get to this ride is to come the exit of this one.
You have to ride my little cart ride.
This is my magnum opus.
Hey, this looks pretty fun.
I've heard good things about it.
Be sure to go on Doug, Doug's, Pepsi, man, legendary cart ride.
Can you make the first dried free, but the second super expensive.
So they have to pay to get done.
Okay, we'll make my car ride free all right 25 minutes in I'm crushing.
It let's, go I think I'm currently making money.
This just helps me we can continue work on the cart.
Mobile, oh, sh.
Oh the first cut.
No, no, you guys are trapped.
You guys are not trapped.
You are not trapped.
You can go on the next cart ride.
No it's gonna be great.
Now you can go on the next one.
Oh, hey, this strategy might not work.
We got a couple lucky.
Customers let's open up the second one, no guys, you can go in it's.
Great is anybody going on this ride? You guys, it's free.
Go on the next ride.
It's, a good time.
I bet you this one will still have more business, though why don't you want to go on my cards, they can't enter from an exit.
Add one, normal path in between like that.
Okay, whatever all I did was work on the carts, but actually I think I made money.
Somehow, oh, [ __, ], I'm at thirteen and a half thousand dollars I, honestly think I could weather any Nerf at this point, that's, not great, but I'm profitable right now.
I, don't, I, haven't, even taken loans I have to spend 6 500 on benches.
So I need 650 benches.
We might need to build paths just to fit all the benches go.
The cart ride will deal with that.
] later, one two, three, four, five, six, eighteen, nineteen twenty why can't I make it? Oh, my God, where how do I put them is this taking more time? Why won't the what is wrong with this game? Why can't I put benches make a sitting area? Why is it going up? Why would it just decide to do that? I did not press any button to do that.
Oh, my God [, __, ], it, whatever how many benches do I need if each one is 30, 200.
Okay, I can do that guys.
This is stupid took me a sec to kind of have that sink head.
This is dumb.
This is stupid what's happening.
What are we doing with our lives? What is going on at some point? We're gonna die on your deathbed? Are you gonna look back and be like I'm? Glad I watched Doug make 300 benches? Okay.
Next Nerf is, you know where I'm putting those 10 bathrooms at my cart ride cool? So now, if you come onto my cart ride, you get to go into toilet town forever.
Okay, all right.
Let's get back to benches, wait I'm losing money.
Why am I losing money? It's, probably these rides they're costing a shitload the toilets.
Now, the toilets are fine I want people to enjoy toilet, Town you're, still losing money, hold up it's, probably because of all the benches just give me a sec.
One day, we're gonna die.
We're gonna think man it's been like 10 minutes, 10 full minutes of my life.
Looking at benches was it worth it foreign ly.
Well, I seem to be losing money.
Now at the toilets I would rather not close.
The toilets I want to beat this in style, I haven't, even taken out the loans it's, 100 doable, it's just it's, getting tricky.
Fine I can actually buy expensive things.
This is doable.
So I got to spend half it's like 4 500 I'll, spend it on Pirates Pirate price high to low a golden trip.
Oh, my God, hey, there's, a ship two three.
How many do I need seven eight? How many how many pirate ships we'll, get it.
Thanks for making my day just that little bit better? Hey, means a lot you're.
Can you place? One chair near the entrance for me smile, no, but I will place this [ __ ] for you.
Oh my God.
This needs to be way up you're 11.
Now why is nobody coming in here? This is a good honest.
American, Ride, hey, do you want to come to the cart ride? Why don't people want to come in wait? Where are my Park price is so low? Why are people on my cart ride? The cart? Ride's great? Why does nobody like it 3x for cash? Oh, yeah, I'm making money right now.
It just delete Crazy.
Carts, I will never delete Crazy.
Look people like, oh, wait.
This is the wrong one.
Carts, they're, screaming and crying with love.
The park entrance is not accessible from the exit of crazy.
This is fine.
Nobody cares Doug Can.
You hire me a captain of one of the pirate ships.
Yeah, twitch chat.
You guys can come in a habit and live up here in the ship basement.
Am making money.
My Park's, looking beautiful.
People can sit everywhere foreign.
This is bad I, don't know what this will be let's find out we go to every ride.
We start with this one.
This ride is not even functioning right now.
But that's fine all right? You have no exit, no exit for you.
Oh, these people already have no exit I, can't, see anything because of the boats move this exit, oh, that's, too much.
Move this exit.
This is gonna be a lot of really unhappy people.
So nobody can leave everybody just gets stuck.
Once they leave a ride.
Now, I think it'll leave the park.
What do they do? At least the benches are still open.
Everybody loves bench Town.
A lot of unhappy people around the park.
Now, I haven't lost money.
Yet somehow people haven't caught on to the fact that I'm like kidnapping them.
What I'm worried is that once people find out what I'm doing they're, not gonna start coming to the park anymore like word is gonna spread about what's happening.
I mean, are they still coming in I still have people joining the park I'm a little worried about what happens.
And when I get worried, I, I, kind of have this impulse to go make benches wait, you know, I can make a bench for the people are trapped.
Everybody you're safe.
Now, yeah, all right.
Happy customers now.
Things are a little bad right now, but I think I'm still making money.
Somehow I don't know why people are putting up with this there's like a couple hundred people who are stranded spread quickly.
This is highly unethical.
You might think this is bad, but I can just replace three of the rides where people can't leave I think we're in the clear, dude, it's, only 10 more minutes kill the rides that aren't making money.
I will never ever replace my cart ride.
Last 10 minutes, let's, go.
What do I replace the cart rides stay this one's making a lot of money? Uh, okay.
You we're gonna go ahead and delete you sorry, everybody.
But it's, not all bad.
We've got a brand new Chief beef.
Okay, we'll we'll kill this.
One, hey, don't worry.
You can get hamburgers I'm killing this cart ride I, don't care that way there's only one cart ride, which is the good one, no need for carts.
When you have more hamburgers that was the good one.
No people love.
Okay, after they ride on crazy carts.
They get to come to benchtown.
Wait are people still coming to my park.
They love it.
People are going crazy for the new Chief.
Beef I think this could work out.
This could be profitable.
Multiple guests thinks rides are too, expensive.
I mean, they're paying for it I don't care.
Many guests are trapped in the park.
Nah they'll be fine.
Am still somehow making money.
Most of the rides have been turned into hamburger stores and half the people are trapped.
These people are just being shot with a cannon.
You paid like 22 dollars for this God I, love, crazy carts.
Somehow, despite all this I have 14 000 still it's.
The dream run last Nerf, I've never reached the last five minutes, we're doubling down, two Nerfs.
Let it ride I'm, confident, no trash cans kids at a thousand know what to do here.
We turn the entire park into divorce, Island, I hope, you're having a good time.
Everybody you're gonna be here for a long time, all right cool, no way in or out let's, go ahead and Jack.
This kid price up, oh, everybody realizes they're trapped.
I think I don't need a janitor when I can just delete all the trash cans.
Look at how much fun they're having they're screaming enjoying well.
Nothing to do in the last three minutes besides turn this into a little Island, you know, let's just well, let's let's, just let this ride.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to divorce Island, never built.
Oh, the people are so happy here and I didn't take out a single goddamn loan.
It took like 25 hours, but I.
Did it I've current ride? Oh, godspeed, Pepsi, Park and that's.
How I developed divorce Island into the greatest theme park of all time with over three thousand dollars of profit beat that Jeff Bezos.
Thanks for watching everybody be sure to subscribe if you don't eat children and be sure to join us next time when we build a zoo that charges animals to use the toilets as a little reward chat, you guys get to ride the best one here we go.
Oh, all right.
This ride sucks.